I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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