My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
