I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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