I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
