Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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