Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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