Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
