so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
