i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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