Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
