OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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