My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
