: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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