Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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