i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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