Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We just shotgunned beers for America
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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