Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were trust falling into bushes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
