When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
