take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
love makes seman taste better
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
