You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
