umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
