She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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