You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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