Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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