I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
