I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
