i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
