If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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