What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
