Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
