I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Farmville is her only friend.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
