she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
