elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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