I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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