Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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