I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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