sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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