Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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