Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
