Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
