just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's like heaven, but drunker
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
