....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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