If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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