Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
