All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
