Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that