its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...