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i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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