Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!

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  (413): no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo! http://tfl.nu/f58l
  Replies (4) Good night (1970) Bad night (2616)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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  (612): and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling http://tfl.nu/vkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (4225) Bad night (838)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Her vagina smelled like bad decisions

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  (704): Her vagina smelled like bad decisions http://tfl.nu/m5j1
  Replies (33) Good night (925) Bad night (7874)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder

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  (218): Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder http://tfl.nu/zi03
  Replies (10) Good night (3512) Bad night (875)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.

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  (703): the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years. http://tfl.nu/s9g1
  Replies (8) Good night (1026) Bad night (5009)
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  (+75): View more from

  It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more

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  (+75): It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more http://tfl.nu/60s4
  Replies (11) Good night (698) Bad night (2112)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

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  (417): so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra? http://tfl.nu/rm09
  Replies (28) Good night (1599) Bad night (3560)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.

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  (484): The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread. http://tfl.nu/tsab
  Replies (1) Good night (2614) Bad night (680)
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  (805): View more from California

  I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard

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  (805): I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard http://tfl.nu/np0a
  Replies (5) Good night (993) Bad night (1931)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?

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  (208): You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right? http://tfl.nu/dxzt
  Replies (6) Good night (2073) Bad night (779)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.

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  (606): This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce. http://tfl.nu/gzhr
  Replies (7) Good night (741) Bad night (2002)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.

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  (804): Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now. http://tfl.nu/gokp
  Replies (4) Good night (882) Bad night (2094)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes

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  (608): It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes http://tfl.nu/xen4
  Replies (4) Good night (1159) Bad night (474)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.

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  (603): Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes. http://tfl.nu/6vyp
  Replies (4) Good night (374) Bad night (776)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~

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  (504): Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~ http://tfl.nu/nmyu
  Replies (5) Good night (341) Bad night (581)

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