I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
