I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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