life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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