My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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