Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
