my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
