I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
