Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
