you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
