i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
