the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
