Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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