I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
