just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
two words...techno handjob
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
