you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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