How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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