Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Come share oat with me in your robe
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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