Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
