Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
