my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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