I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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