Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
