Buhtt sex?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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