Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize