wanna go halves on a baby?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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