I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
